Valerian and The City of a Thousand Planets

Vacuous eye candy in a 2.35:1 ratio frame

Luc Besson's Valerian and The City of a Thousand Planets is utter tosh with cheesy costumes and ridiculous dialogue. This is not a bad thing necessarily, especially in the sci-fi genre, if delivered with verve and vitality. However, Valerian... is belabored and lifeless. The two leads, Dane DeHaan and Cara Delevingne, evince no chemistry and there scenes function as black holes sucking the fun out of the enterprise. Besson seems to want a Leia-Han bickering vibe between the two, but DeHaan seems more a character actor than a lead and Delevingne has little to do other than react to his alleged studliness.

Valerian... has a cobbled together feel and look: bits of Star Wars, The Road Warrior, Blade Runner, Avatar, Besson's own The Fifth Element, various Terry Gilliam films, all tossed together. Besson has some nice scenic moments, especially early on in the film, but the best bits are all silent. When the semblance of a plot emerges and dialogue ensues, all hope and engagement is lost. Various figures flash by cashing checks, but not making memories: Clive Owen, Ethan Hawke, Herbie Hancock(?), Benoit Jacquot! Only Rihanna provides moments of interest.

This wouldn't be worth the ink if Besson hadn't once displayed some talent, but everything he has done since The Fifth Element has seemed listless and second hand. Tant pis! (3/4/18)